Do you ever step back for a minute or 5 minutes and think to yourself about the things that make your heart happy? From the tiniest, simplest moments to big events?
I feel like most people focus on the negative (I am guilty of this).
I see and hear it every where.
I hear it at the grocery store, at the coffee shop, at work, on the news, on Twitter, at school, LOTS on Facebook.
I get that things happen, big or small, that just plain suck. I know that some times you just want to vent and put your issues or what ever that big or small thing is that sucks out there so others know about it because then maybe others are experiencing it too and then that means you aren't alone.
Trust me...some of my posts ooze negativity or sadness. It's mainly because I struggle with it on a daily basis.
I try my best, after I vent my negative feelings or sad thoughts, to try and find a positive note to leave off on. Whether it's a scripture I've found or just simply reminding myself that God has a plan, that I need to trust in his plan, and I remind myself that even though I feel unwanted, not good enough, broken, sad, depressed, and completely hardened and empty at times...there is always one person who will love me with all my faults, all my mistakes, all my tears, and who will love me always & forever...and that is God. He is so good, and his love for me is so incredibly awesome. I will never be able to understand or conceptualize how much he loves me, and to me that makes me heart so happy to know that I am loved so entirely much.
I want to try and be happy all the time. I know that every one has their ups and downs. But I want to have more ups then downs.
I want to smile more than frown.
I want to not feel a deep knot in my stomach because my heart aches.
I want my heart to feel full.
I want to be able to get a full nights sleep and not be restless.
I want to be able to have multiple entries one after another that are only upbeat and happy thoughts...
All I can say is I am working on it.
I'm working on focusing on things that make me happy whenever I start to feel overwhelmed with sadness or heart ache.
If I start to feel a knot in my stomach I try to think of big or little things that I have to be happy about.
Sometimes though my sadness wins and in my head when I am thinking about things that make me happy, I can hear myself being cynical and mocking what ever it is that makes me happy.
No bueno.
I don't want to be cynical...especially about love and marriage.
I bounce back and forth with being cynical about that stuff.
At times I feel super hopeful and excited for meeting the future man God is going to bestow upon me in my life...and then other times...like tonight at dinner, I am very sour about it. If anyone tries to talk to me about my future and how when I'm married or when I meet a man...I will immediately shut them down with a big ol' "HA" as I roll my eyes and then with out missing a beat I say, "I'm not getting married...ever."
Another saying I say a lot now when talking with family or friends or even clients is, "IF I ever get married...and that's a big IF..." I don't sound bitter or anything right? (ha uh huhhh)
But in all honesty I don't want to feel that way...but I do at times. There are times where I wish I had some one in my life that loved me enough to want to be with me and marry me, and I think about how my life would be if I got married and how happy I'd be.
But then I also think about how I don't know if I want to get married...what if I end up not being wanted again? What if I was to get married and then my "husband" decided to leave me because he didn't love me any more...why put myself through that pain...or even the possibility of that pain?
That last paragraph...is EXACTLY why I want to feel more happy than sad.
That is why I am going to try and just focus on what makes my heart happy...because then all I will mainly have thoughts of are feel good thoughts, and who doesn't love those?
what makes my heart happy:
- my growing relationship with God
- my family
- my grandma's cute songs she sings to me
- my dad's tight hugs
- my sisters and our inside jokes
- my diva d and beaz
- singing music at the top of my lungs while I drive
- music <3
- a delicious tea latte
- coffee bean dates with my oldest sister
- taking lots of pictures, especially silly ones
- the gorgeous drive to Utah
- ice cold water
- cute cheesy movies
- days where the sky is filled with clouds that look like all different sizes of marshmallows
- hot cocoa with extra mini marshmallows...mmm
- walking my pup
- dancing to crazy loud music, regardless if I look like a fool
- sitting by the fireplace listening to Christmas music
- having family time while listening to Christmas music
- decorating our Christmas tree
- our yearly Stocking decorating tradition
- laughing until my sides hurt
- steaming hot showers that make it so all the mirrors are fogged up in the bathroom
- Chanel Chance perfume <3<3<3
- writing, blogging, journaling
- foot rubs
- cuddling up into my bed and watching old movies on netflix
- praying for others every night before I go to sleep
- remembering all the good memories I had with my momma
- looking at pictures of my momma and I when I was little
- french fries
- whole food salads...mmmm
- spicy tuna crunch roll
- snuggles
- scarves
- lots of bracelets
- my fav cheap sparkling wine
those are just a few of the things that make me heart so happy and full.
what makes your heart happy?
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