People tend to get so caught up in life and relationships focusing mainly on the hiccups or errors people make. Yes people make mistakes, yes people fail one another at times, yes NO ONE is perfect, yes people may hurt you at times, some times it's accidental and sometimes it's purposely.
But you are given two choices.
1. You can either forgive them for their failures,hiccups,mistakes,hurtfulness
or
2. You can hold on to it, or tell them that you "forgive them" but you'll "never forget."
Here is the error in that last statement...I'll forgive you but I'll never forget...well in reality...that is not forgiveness at all.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.
But, most people, in reality, choose to hold on to all the hurt and/or failures that their significant other, family member, or close friend in their life have done. I personally think that people forget the big picture...we are all human. We are all imperfect, AND sometimes we have unrealistic expectations.
Joel Osteen made such a great point in one of his blog entries I read.
He said, "...even the best people will fail us at times. We have to choose forgiveness because it is not up to anyone in our lives to keep us happy; that is our own responsibility. "
That statement is so unbelievably true, and I feel like every one forgets that. It's no one else's responsibility to make you happy. It's our own responsibility to makes ourselves happy. It's not fair to expect someone else to take on that responsibility. That is an unrealistic expectation. If you think about it...if you aren't able to make yourself happy...how do you expect someone else to be able to make you happy?? And do you think it's really fair to expect that out of them...when you yourself are unable to do so?
The answer is no, it's not fair, and that is what people forget and overlook.
I think that if everyone reminded themselves that saying each time they were upset with their significant other, family member, or close friend that people wouldn't fight or hold on to as much stuff as they do. Relationships wouldn't be as dysfunctional, couples wouldn't fight over petty issues, family members wouldn't argue over insignificant issues. Now some issues may be serious issues...but if you were to take a step back and think about that saying...then I feel like you would be able to think...you know they did this and I feel hurt by it or I am upset by it...but they are human and they aren't perfect and if I approach the situation in a different manner or if I cut them some slack because I don't think it was their intention to purposely do this, then you'd be a lot happier. Couples would be happier, friends would be happier, families would be happier.
Joel Osteen makes another point that so many people overlook or don't even think about. He states:
"The perfect spouse does not exist, We would avoid a lot of
disappointments by simply understanding that no matter how much we
love people, no matter how much they love us, at some point, they
won't live up to our expectations, or they will hurt our feelings in
some way. But when we get our eyes off their shortcomings and on to
Jesus, we open the door for His grace and healing in our
relationships. We open the door for love which is all that matters in
eternity."
The part that stands out the most to me is:
We would avoid a lot of disappointments by simply understanding that no matter how much we love people, no matter how much they love us, at some point, they won't live up to our expectations, or they will hurt our feelings in some way.
How TRUE that statement is. Up until I read that particular post in his blog, I never saw it that way, I never would have come to this realization. These statements he has made have had a huge impact with how I will choose to react and handle situations with my family, friends, and future significant other. I will continue to remind myself that NO ONE IS PERFECT, we are all human and we have flaws, my happiness is MY responsibility and no one else's, any happiness I experience from ANYONE else is a BONUS. I feel like that is how we should all view our relationships. I think a lot more people would be happy, a lot more relationships would succeed, a lot more marriages would last, a lot more families would still be a "family" and not a divided one, a lot more friends would still be friends and not enemies. How much easier do you think relationships would be? I personally think they would be a lot easier and people would be a lot happier.
It's just some food for thought.
But you are given two choices.
1. You can either forgive them for their failures,hiccups,mistakes,hurtfulness
or
2. You can hold on to it, or tell them that you "forgive them" but you'll "never forget."
Here is the error in that last statement...I'll forgive you but I'll never forget...well in reality...that is not forgiveness at all.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.
But, most people, in reality, choose to hold on to all the hurt and/or failures that their significant other, family member, or close friend in their life have done. I personally think that people forget the big picture...we are all human. We are all imperfect, AND sometimes we have unrealistic expectations.
Joel Osteen made such a great point in one of his blog entries I read.
He said, "...even the best people will fail us at times. We have to choose forgiveness because it is not up to anyone in our lives to keep us happy; that is our own responsibility. "
That statement is so unbelievably true, and I feel like every one forgets that. It's no one else's responsibility to make you happy. It's our own responsibility to makes ourselves happy. It's not fair to expect someone else to take on that responsibility. That is an unrealistic expectation. If you think about it...if you aren't able to make yourself happy...how do you expect someone else to be able to make you happy?? And do you think it's really fair to expect that out of them...when you yourself are unable to do so?
The answer is no, it's not fair, and that is what people forget and overlook.
I think that if everyone reminded themselves that saying each time they were upset with their significant other, family member, or close friend that people wouldn't fight or hold on to as much stuff as they do. Relationships wouldn't be as dysfunctional, couples wouldn't fight over petty issues, family members wouldn't argue over insignificant issues. Now some issues may be serious issues...but if you were to take a step back and think about that saying...then I feel like you would be able to think...you know they did this and I feel hurt by it or I am upset by it...but they are human and they aren't perfect and if I approach the situation in a different manner or if I cut them some slack because I don't think it was their intention to purposely do this, then you'd be a lot happier. Couples would be happier, friends would be happier, families would be happier.
Joel Osteen makes another point that so many people overlook or don't even think about. He states:
"The perfect spouse does not exist, We would avoid a lot of
disappointments by simply understanding that no matter how much we
love people, no matter how much they love us, at some point, they
won't live up to our expectations, or they will hurt our feelings in
some way. But when we get our eyes off their shortcomings and on to
Jesus, we open the door for His grace and healing in our
relationships. We open the door for love which is all that matters in
eternity."
The part that stands out the most to me is:
We would avoid a lot of disappointments by simply understanding that no matter how much we love people, no matter how much they love us, at some point, they won't live up to our expectations, or they will hurt our feelings in some way.
How TRUE that statement is. Up until I read that particular post in his blog, I never saw it that way, I never would have come to this realization. These statements he has made have had a huge impact with how I will choose to react and handle situations with my family, friends, and future significant other. I will continue to remind myself that NO ONE IS PERFECT, we are all human and we have flaws, my happiness is MY responsibility and no one else's, any happiness I experience from ANYONE else is a BONUS. I feel like that is how we should all view our relationships. I think a lot more people would be happy, a lot more relationships would succeed, a lot more marriages would last, a lot more families would still be a "family" and not a divided one, a lot more friends would still be friends and not enemies. How much easier do you think relationships would be? I personally think they would be a lot easier and people would be a lot happier.
It's just some food for thought.
No comments:
Post a Comment